Monday, September 3, 2012

The dangers of the Internet

Never walk down memory lane without personal protective gear. Or at least an adult beverage. Otherwise, the trauma can be overwhelming.

Case in point: Having a delightful conversation with the daughter regarding her college dreams.

"Is there a perk if I go to your college?" (I attended a small school in Buffalo NY). Actually, there is a perk..a little less tuition or some such.

"Do they have a bio major?" Hey, I was a dual Bio and Psych major. You bet they have a Bio major. Some of my best friends were in Bio.

"Hmmm. Did Mark Ruffalo go to your college?" (We are obviously on Tumblr or some such for this random question to appear. Unless "Buffalo" has her riffing on "Ruffalo" and then I know my kid is listening to entirely too much Rap music.)

Well, there was a Mark Somebody, a few years ahead of me, who was an actor. Ruffalo? I'm not sure. But there was also a guy just a year ahead of me who starred in a YA movie when we were still in college. I remember them screening it at school. He was...attractive. I recall his slender, youthful farm-lad physique, his head of blond curls, his amazing blue eyes.

"Mom! Well, yes, he was attractive in that movie."

Wonder what ever happened to him. Let's see... Heck, I am sitting in front of the computer doing paperwork; what's a minute to Google this guy's name?

Note to novices: anyone who has ever made anything that could be filmed has a page on IMDB (Internet Movie Database). Heck, if you were the understudy to the toilet-paper squeezing Mr. Whipple, you are certain to show up on IMDB.

So I type away and up pops the page. Only there's a problem. The man's face is no farm boy any longer. Give him a hoop earring and we have Mr. Clean. Or Yul Brynner.

I pull up his bio. The name matches, as does the age.
Eyes: blue.
Hair color: Bald.

Since when is "Bald" a color?

Hair length: Bald. That's like Jumbo Shrimp.

My little fantasy? Popped like a bubble.

At least I still look like a 20-something.